Bankrupt Britain’s Budget*
*Actually, good English teachers and accountants know that bankruptcy only applies to individuals. The alternative is "insolvency" but that only really applies to companies. A new word is needed?
Last Wednesday's budget was shocking.
Over a pint of beer, my flatmate and I came up with some controversial measures:
The national debt is massive. Tax rises are inevitable. The alternative is to print money and inflate our way out of trouble (sound familiar?)
- The "Levi's Tax" - tax on jeans with a waist size over 40 inches
- VAT to 20%
- Basic rate to 25% (OUCH OUCH OUCH)
Time to trim the fat.
- Cancel the Olympics - the money could be put to better use.
- Prescribe running shoes instead of medicine.
- Privatise schools and introduce a school voucher system. Efficiency savings all round.
- Cancel the £2000 rebate for cars - bad for the environment, everyone will still buy foreign cars anyway.
- No more agricultural subsidies. This is the real meaning of Fair Trade.
- Goodbye department for culture and sport.
- Cancel the aircraft carrier and issue everyone with a pitchfork.
- Cancel Christmas
- 99% pay cuts for junior doctors who once attended Merchant Taylors Boys School (sorry guys).
Tax cuts to stimulate the economy. Keynesian-style.
- Reduce employers National Insurance rate
- Give child benefits to schools to provide breakfast and free school uniforms
- Cancel the tax disc and increase fuel duty instead
- Cancel TV licence - expensive to administer.
- 50% tax on incomes over £1,000,000, not £150,000. I don't think we should be scaring away the entrepreneurs.
Reforms as a platform for the future. Monetarist-style.
- Massive investment in education
- Make engineering glamorous again
- More business/entrepreneurial education from an earlier age
- The environment - Carbon taxes, congestion charging
We sound like right-wing nuts. The other stuff wasn't legal to publish. Suggestions?