Handy Guide to Deptford Bridge Transport*

I’ve not had many visitors to my London flat. I thought that it was because of:

  • Deptford’s undeserved bad reputation
  • the fridge that only gets cleaned every six months
  • guests having to feed themselves because of said fridge
  • my refusal to stock any coffee because of the expense
  • refusing to talk about anything other than accounting rules and convention

Then I realised that it was because no-one knows how to get here.

177 Bus177 Bus
The bus to get when running late for church (i.e. every week). It is based on the latest conceptual Swedish design of “tillbaka-tillbaka”, which means that the front of the bus looks like the back, and the back is the back.

The alternative translation of “tillbaka” in the original Hebrew means: lazy-arsed photographer who couldn’t be bothered to cross the road.

453 Bus

453 Bus

Introducing the Mercedes-designed Bendy Bus. Lewis Hamilton would prefer to drive this at the Grand Prix – except he doesn’t have a bus licence.

Could a double-decker version be made of the bendy bus? That would be cool.

53 Bus

53 Bus

Winner of the “Least Objectionable Bus of the Year Award 1973”. Features the latest in anti-finger trap technology on the bell.

The 53 bus has played an important role in the history of English literature. The same red is used on the cover of the GCSE poetry anthology. It was also where Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra had the inspiration, wrote, published and produced the audiobook for Don Quixote. The original bookstore and recording studio can still be found at the back of the bus.

DLR (Docklands-Liechtenstein Railway)


This driver-less train is powered by the latest Lithuanian technology. It’s built from the finest glass from Luton and steel from Luxembourg’s gold mines.

Unfortunately, these driver-less trains cannot be used on the London Underground because it entirely eliminates the gap between the train and the platform.


James Huang accepts no responsibility for the factual accuracy of this blog post, nor for any injury suffered (physical or mental) during it’s reading. Any complaints should be directed to Ronaldo on 07777777777. Your statutory rights may or may not be affected. Speak to a lawyer.

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