It’s been two weeks since I left Toronto. Already I am moving towards the next target in my life, which is to pass the accountancy exams in a week’s time. Revision has been tough. There’s a constant feeling of inadequacy at the sheer volume of syllabus that is unknown. I’m going through past paper questions with a stopwatch but the stress is getting the better of me. Morale is low.

I’ve been reading a book called “Killing Rommel” by Steven Pressfield. It’s a WWII fiction about the exploits of a crack British unit. There’s a line which says that the most important factor in winning or losing a war is morale. Yes, I am comparing accountancy exams to armed combat. I’m bloody hacked off and I feel like waving the white flag.

So I’m impelled to take a break, regroup and finish writing this long overdue blog post.

Water
All great cities are situated near some natural water feature. Beijing goes against this by being in the middle of a desert, but is still a great city. London has the River Thames and Toronto has Lake Ontario. Both are equally polluted. So the only way to judge which is better is to time how long you would survive a swim. In the River Thames you would be instantly killed by the River Boat. I’d take my chances against the radiation emanating from the nuclear power plant on the shore of Lake Ontario.

London 0 – Toronto 1

Number of Chinese People
For some reason, vast numbers of Chinese have made Toronto their home. The Chinatowns of both cities are pretty dire. However, Toronto wins because they sell cheaper bubble (tapioca) tea. 

London 0 – Toronto 1 – Liverpool 1 (because we have a better Chinatown with a much bigger arch)

Transport
Toronto’s roads are designed in an idiot-proof grid system. London’s roads require a Tom Tom to navigate, or a well trained black taxi driver. All Londoners moan about the tube, but the network is so extensive that two different shades of blue are needed for the map. Toronto has three lines and is crap.

London 1 – Toronto 1 – Liverpool -1 (I’ve just remembered how bad Merseyrail is)

Culture
Seriously? London hands down.

London 2 – Toronto 1 – Liverpool 0 (European Capital of Culture 2008 remember)

Global Warming Prospects
How would each city fare if the crackpot prophecies came true and the ice caps started to melt?

• Liverpool – floods
• Toronto – Also floods, and you will be attacked by radioactive moose
• London – Floods, unless you keep working in the office on the 17th floor while civilisation collapses around you. At least there won’t be a cooling problem on the Underground
• Beijing – is safe! Those ancient Chinese City planners were actually geniuses.

Final score

London 1 – Toronto 0 – Liverpool -1

And a million Scousers demand a recount.

Yes I’m really getting quite bored waiting for the doc. Hopefully he’ll like my idea to end obesity in Britain: use salt instead of sugar for everything.

Still better than the endless hours of taxation revision that I have to do. Why do people still asking me for advice?

Posted by Wordmobi

A busy and varied month.

Nottingham
My sister graduated, which coincided with a return trip to Nottingham. It was surreal walking past students house that friends used to live in. Now there are faded stories about the time we lit a bonfire in the garden and burnt things. (OK, that was just the once on the corner of Faraday Road / Derby Road).

Liverpool
Always good to see the guys, despite our increasingly busy schedules. It’s the last summer before everyone starts their adult jobs. Yes, the six-year medical degrees have ended, but not before the drunken press up with a 75kg Indian standing on your back contest. Sam beat Graham 4-0.

Luton
Where I audit and fix printers.

Angel (North London)
Most sane people are finished with exams after university. I even had a sadistic enjoyment from setting my English students tests. But I decided that I needed three years of professional exams in my life. It’s a constant and unyielding pressure. I’ve spent three weeks at college in Angel. I just found out that I passed the mock exams from last week. I don’t feel any satisfaction – it’s just relief.

Why do I do it? Obscenely ridiculous post-qualification salary.

Karaoke
Actually, the my real motivation for work is the chance to sing karaoke on a regular basis. I’ve sung Take That’s “Back for Good” three times in July. Happy times.

Now I’m off to Canada for two weeks holiday. They say that Karaoke is banned there. Unhappy times.