Are auditors different from the rest of society? This article will lower the barriers between them so that we can all hold hands under perfect blue skies.

From The Same Crop

Yes, auditors are human. What other answers are there?

The trainees are currently at college studying for exams. We can wear what we wish and take leisurely one hour lunches in the park. At first glance, we just look like a group of unemployed students. The bulk comes from regular universities: Manchester, Nottingham, Bristol, Warwick and Durham. We support the same football teams, listen to the same music and talk about the same things. Our mundane aim is to lead secure, quiet lives with a stable income – all the same as everyone else.

A Breed Apart

But look more carefully at the unemployed students you will notice some differences: the designer sunglasses (Ray Bans inevitably), the insatiable appetite and ability to pay for daily Starbucks Lattes, the intellectual conversations about the merits of taking two calculators to exams. It is not the same.

So, auditors are human, but of a distinct kind. To explain, all dogs are dogs, but only some are Border Collies (who incidentally rank number 1 in Coren’s Intelligence of Dogs).

These characteristics set apart auditors:

1) Devastating Scrabble Players
Auditors are clever. I said earlier that they came from ordinary universities. But the true meaning of that is they come from good families, came the top of good schools, scored a 2:1 degree from a good university, passed the psychometric testing and beat other good graduates. How can this not be scrabble playing elite?

2) Tidy Bedrooms
Auditors are organised. This gives them the foresight to apply for a graduate job before actually graduating. It also gives them the ability to manage work, exams, social lives and lip reading classes without the need of a time machine.

3) Keen Runners
Auditors are hard working. The industry has a reputation for long hours. This attracts auditors to the discipline, grind, pain and sheer satisfaction of running. On the basis of the regular emails requesting sponsorship for some run, each auditor runs 3.7 marathons per year.

4) Safe With Your PIN Number
Auditors are reliable and accountable. In the face of all adversity and danger, the audit work will always be complete.

The Change

I have described the model of professionalism, but I am not close to that. Everyone still makes mistakes and still learns, even the partners. However, that process of change from student to professional is most stark among the trainees. I’ve gained a lot of knowledge and experience in my two years so far. My expectations have changed – Pizza Express has turned from a treat to a chore. Yet, a lot of trainees still hold their student-dreams of travelling, pursuing their real passions and making a difference to society. Change is natural with or without a job, but working for a professional services firm makes it much faster.

So in just one article I say that auditors are like everyone else, but are an elite, and the trainees are transitioning from studenthood to the elite. It’s a flaky, unsatisfying conclusion. But (in a pretentious and noble-sounding way), that is life.

There are 286,000 qualified accountants and 169,000 accountancy students in the UK (source: FRC). That means you can’t avoid them for your whole life. This blog post will explain where accountants come from and what motivates them.

The Defensive Play

It was once believed that accountants were delivered by storks while sucking their thumb and clutching a calculator. Modern biology proved that accountancy is not a natural career choice. Show me a child who aspires to be an accountant and I will show you the telephone number of a good therapist.

Accountants are actually produced from the “Big 4” accountancy factory (the four largest firms who dominate the industry). Fresh university graduates are the raw materials and they take three years to process. They are lured through the gates because the training contract offers:

• Stable employment
• A free chartered accountancy qualification (the “ACA”). Qualification means a large pay rise and near-guaranteed job security for life.
• Good work experience with exposure to many different aspects of a business

For these reasons, accountancy is a defensive play for 90% of trainees. It is a safe option for the graduate who is unsure about their long terms career goals. By simply doing as you are told for three years you will end up with valuable work experience and qualifications. No thought is required and the long-term serious career decisions are deferred.

It is a safe and pragmatic career choice. But that’s the way accountants should be.

The Machiavellian View

The cynical view is that trainees are entirely self-serving and leave as soon as the training contract ends, having conned the ACA from their employers.

However, this Machiavellian view is acceptable to the Big 4 because they easily extract enough value from their trainees. They perform a great bulk of the fieldwork at the client.  Even though the ACA is a great expense the cost is recovered many times over. A trainee is charged out at over £100 for every hour that he works at the client. A trainees will earn around £350,000 in profit for the firm during their contract period.

A lot of trainees do leave after qualification but the business model is not designed for all of them to stay. Otherwise, there would be too many assistant managers.

However, the three years are not just a relationship of convenience. The firms do want you to stay after qualification even if it is not as an accountant. They will make efforts to find placements elsewhere. Possible destinations include other business areas of the firm, such as advisory, placements at the client and placements abroad.

Trainees are not solely treated as a resource but as valued members. This is why the Big 4 do well in employee satisfaction surveys.

The Meaning of Audit

Accountancy is a good career – but why do any work at all? Accountants do have dreams of lying on a beach for half the year and skiing for the other half. But that would be a waste of immense talent. Also, modern civilisation would collapse if there was no-one to audit the accounts.

We agree that work is necessary. On the basic level, we need to earn money for food and shelter from bandits. However, should we expect fulfilment and satisfaction from our work, or is it just a means to an end?

Inevitably, accountancy is just a 9 to 5 job for a lot of people. I have joined in the bitching and moaning sessions while at work. But I have also met those who do enjoy auditing. It is more satisfying to work with them. They get the unpopular label of being “keen”, but it is the geeks who do well at school, not the jocks.

My Story

I wanted to become a chartered accountant after doing some work experience while I was in school. I did the usual amount of photocopying and filing. But I spent the bulk of the summer making over 100 archive boxes to store old files. This proved to be valuable experience because I won the first year trainee box making challenge. I was impressed by the importance of my bosses work and the respect that he got from his clients.

During university, I did some summer work in a chemical factory. I spent many 8 hour shifts lining up plastic bottles and stacking them on pallets. I vowed never to do any more menial work and to go for a challenging career. That’s why I am an accountant.

I didn’t know about the dire days I would have counting things on pallets and sifting through endless invoices. But I like the people and the work can be interesting. It’s pleasing to understand and apply a complicated accounting standard while at work. So like most people, I fall between the pragmatists and idealists on the purpose of work. Like most trainees, I’m still deferring the decision on what I will do after I qualify. But I will enjoy the time in between.

Work isn’t meant to fulfil your Ultimate Life Purpose™. It isn’t your whole identity. But it is OK to have fun auditing.

There are different seasons during the audit working year. This is demonstrated by the audit doughnut:

I am going to give an insight into what the trainee auditor’s life tastes like.

The Main Doughnut Sections

Busy Season
Half of the year’s audit work will be concentrated into these three months. Annoyingly, it is also the darkest and wettest time of the year.

College and Exams
Exams are a horrid burden and will ruin a lot of weekends for three years. However, college is a nice break from work. It’s a good chance to catch up with the other trainees who you otherwise wouldn’t see.

Holiday
25 days is the standard number of holiday time. You don’t have to take it during the summer and Christmas, but you can’t take any during busy season and college time is immovable.

The most interesting doughnut finding is that trainees don’t actually work that much when you add college and holiday time. For that reason trainee auditors don’t get paid as much as bankers or lawyers, but the trade-off is fair.

The September Milestone

Accountancy firms are the largest recruiters of graduates, therefore, the audit year follows the academic year because most join in September. The new first years do bring a feeling of renewal. The new joiners’ event celebrates their entry by subjecting them to the ritual humiliation of karaoke. They made me remember when I joined just 12 months previously. I realised how far I had come in that time (and how much stationery I had wasted).

September is also promotion and pay rise season. This is celebrated by the awarding of medals and the consumption of doughnuts.

Social Events

Large social committee budgets and mandatory contributions means that there are lots of social events throughout the year.

Alcohol
The highlight is the Christmas party, which is ridiculously messy but will give you lots to talk about until next year. There are regular pub meetings, which are mainly caused by a high turnover of staff leading to lots of leaving drinks.

Strangely, there are no regular pre-weekend Friday drinks because auditors are scattered throughout different client sites and are not based in a common location. The other (implausible) explanation is that I’m not being invited.

Corporate Social Responsibility Day
This is where the department take a day out of work to help the community. In my first year, we painted an old persons home. Other departments have gardened, cleared rubbish and done volunteer auditing for the needy.

Department Away Day
The department stops auditing and does something fun for a day. This may include sailing, horse racing and hunting bandits

Inter-Department Sports Events
The rivalries cover football, pub quizzes and netball. Accountants are competitive. The sight of partners dressed in fairy wings and pink leggings is pretty scary.

Looking Forward

Trainee auditors enjoy a varied (and tasty) life. If you are are having a bad week then there is always an event or a change in activity to look forward to. Fifteen exams is daunting when you start but time does pass crazily quickly. Busy season is hard but there are lots of fun times too. I look forward to qualification and the lifting of the exam burden. But the audit doughnut does become somewhat less interesting: