I tried to find an ironic slogan for the title to my blog post about banking in China. The Abbey National Bank’s old slogan was perfect.

I’ve recently opened a current (checking) account in China and I was pleased with how quick and easy it was. The only difficulty was the language for which I bought along a Chinese friend for help. If you don’t have any Chinese or any friends then you can refer to this comprehensive guide.

Requirements to open a Chinese bank account:

1. 1 form of ID
2. £1 processing fee.
3. Yearly £0.70 for the privilege of a debit card.
4. Receive your debit card and PIN number at the same time

The only downside is that you don’t get a chequebook, but no-one really uses them in China. The bank clerk laughed at me when I asked for one. You don’t get a £1000 interest free student overdraft either – but they’re not so useful.

Compare this with the requirements to open a British bank account:

1. 2 forms of ID
2. Proof of address
3. Credit check
4. Zero pounds
5. Wait a week to receive your debit card and PIN number

Bear in mind that these requirements of British citizen. Good luck to those who don’t pledge allegiance to the queen. Why do the rules need to be so complicated? And thanks to a minor financial crisis, even the share price performance of the Chinese banks has been better than the British banks.

To be fair to the British banks, the rules are there to protect me from money-laundering. I’ve also taken for granted the free current accounts that they offer. What I appreciate most is the polite, pleasant and efficient service of the British bank teller. A kind of service that is only found in the English gentlemen. A kind of service that is envied by every other nation on the Earth. Indeed, let us celebrate the British bank teller!

OK, I’ll stop looking through my Union Jack tinted glasses.

I got to fly out of Tianjin’s new airport last week. The airport has a striking glass front. The airport is a large sweeping open hall.

I had a very smooth experience. I got through check in, immigrations and customs very quickly. Everything had a nice new shine to it.

Contrast this to the absolute chaos at the opening of Heathrow Terminal 5. Beijing Capital Airport has also recently opened a new terminal. Then I realised it would be interesting to compare them.

I guess it would be unfair to compare the airports. Beijing Airport is massive but it needs to be in order to serve millions of Olympic visitors. Tianjin’s new airport was a smaller project on the outskirts of the city. Heathrow is blessed with one of the worst possible locations for an airport and locals who are unfortunate enough to be harassed by the daily noise.

In time, Heathrow Terminal 5 will become a good and efficient terminal, and in time Beijing and Tianjin will need to build yet another airport to cope with its growth. If you think I am kidding, an article from The Economist claims that Beijing is already planning a second airport.

But it would be nice if Britain’s construction projects were not not a laughing stock.

I’ve been quite down for the past week or so. Teaching is unenjoyable and learning Chinese seems like an insurmountable task. All the teachers have worked hard and are now stressed out. The situation is tense, so I’m glad that the spring term is ending today.

Inevitably, I blame being in China for my problems and the culture shock sets in again. I spend time on the Tianjin expatriates web site. So, I go to my usual hiding spot at Starbucks. I spot a foreigner there and I yearn to talk to them for just 10 minutes. So I prepare to put on my most British of British accents, but I realise that I look like every other Chinese person that wants to practice their English. So I stop myself. I end up dreaming of England’s green fields again.

Except that the Chinese culture is not to blame. There is an expectation that problems will go away when you are at home, that feeling is exacerbated when you are thousands of miles away. So, I try to put everything into perspective. I realise that England’s green fields are probably:

1. occupied with protesters against the new runway, which has not even got planning permission yet
2. flooded because of global warming
3. swarming with Polish workers clearing up the mess for a reasonable wage
4. falling in value because of the impending housing market crash
5. experiencing cloud cover with some light drizzle but clearing up in the afternoon

Now, I don’t feel so bad and I remember what a famous Polish philosopher (my flat mate) once said: “Your problems follow you wherever you go.”