I’ve been reading a book called “Killing Rommel” by Steven Pressfield. It’s a WWII fiction about the exploits of a crack British unit. There’s a line which says that the most important factor in winning or losing a war is morale. Yes, I am comparing accountancy exams to armed combat. I’m bloody hacked off and I feel like waving the white flag.

So I’m impelled to take a break, regroup and finish writing this long overdue blog post.

Water
All great cities are situated near some natural water feature. Beijing goes against this by being in the middle of a desert, but is still a great city. London has the River Thames and Toronto has Lake Ontario. Both are equally polluted. So the only way to judge which is better is to time how long you would survive a swim. In the River Thames you would be instantly killed by the River Boat. I’d take my chances against the radiation emanating from the nuclear power plant on the shore of Lake Ontario.

London 0 – Toronto 1

Number of Chinese People
For some reason, vast numbers of Chinese have made Toronto their home. The Chinatowns of both cities are pretty dire. However, Toronto wins because they sell cheaper bubble (tapioca) tea. 

London 0 – Toronto 1 – Liverpool 1 (because we have a better Chinatown with a much bigger arch)

Transport
Toronto’s roads are designed in an idiot-proof grid system. London’s roads require a Tom Tom to navigate, or a well trained black taxi driver. All Londoners moan about the tube, but the network is so extensive that two different shades of blue are needed for the map. Toronto has three lines and is crap.

London 1 – Toronto 1 – Liverpool -1 (I’ve just remembered how bad Merseyrail is)

Culture
Seriously? London hands down.

London 2 – Toronto 1 – Liverpool 0 (European Capital of Culture 2008 remember)

Global Warming Prospects
How would each city fare if the crackpot prophecies came true and the ice caps started to melt?

• Liverpool – floods
• Toronto – Also floods, and you will be attacked by radioactive moose
• London – Floods, unless you keep working in the office on the 17th floor while civilisation collapses around you. At least there won’t be a cooling problem on the Underground
• Beijing – is safe! Those ancient Chinese City planners were actually geniuses.

Final score

London 1 – Toronto 0 – Liverpool -1

And a million Scousers demand a recount.

Nuclear Power Plant

I also bought a really cheap pair of Converse shoes for £18. RRP in England £50. We suck. Yes, now that I own a pair of Converse shoes, I can use stereotypical teenage American phrases. Whatever.

In an attempt to understand my teenage cousins better, I watched the movie “Twilight” with them yesterday. It’s the typical generic romance between the awkward new girl in town and immortal vampire with pale skin. I don’t recommend it and I don’t understand my cousins any better. Fortunately, Rock Band bridges the generation gap.

I used my man-skills to catch a fish. Yes, I did cheat by going to a pre-stocked pond and paying the $5 entrance fee. The man-skill is knowing when to cheat.

Fish

Last Thursday, I made a trip to downtown Toronto. Navigation is very easy around Toronto since the roads form a grid pattern and run parallel with each other. Unfortunately, the city is designed for cars and the subway system only has a few lines. Makes you appreciate London’s go-everywhere smelly subway.

Last Saturday, all holiday objectives were successfully achieved as I had Korean food with my sister and cousin. Kimchi-tastic.

James and Kimchi

I’ve not ventured beyond:

• My uncle’s house, where I sleep and get my meals cooked
• The mall, where I bought Rock Band for the Wii
• My cousin’s house, for whom I bought Rock Band and where the Wii is located
• The (other) mall, where I write about how amazing Rock Band is and how I play it for hours every day

I did venture out of the house to go for a run yesterday. I thought that running at 3pm in 25+ degree heat and high humidity would be a good way to train for the half-marathon. I should have played Rock Band instead.

• I can’t rest the laptop on the tray because there is not enough room and the guy in front of me has fully reclined his seat.
• I have to rest the laptop on my lap, but that means bending the screnn down at an unreadable angle, not that I would be able to see anything anyway because I’ve turned the contrast right down so that I can save some battery.
• My left arm is jammed under the arm rest and my right is prodding my sister
• My back hurts

This shows my dedication to writing random crap.

I have many other things to rant about:

• Duty free is a great idea, except when you go on the internet and find out that it’s still much cheaper there anyway. The Panasonic FS7 camera can be bought for £130 from Dixons in Heathrow’s Terminal 2, and for £110 from digital-cameras.com.
• They Ray Ban sunglasses that I did buy were £15 cheaper on the internet. However, it turns out that I have an exceptionally fat head, so I need to actually try on sunglasses before buying them. Also, I need my sister by my side when making fashion decisions because I have no concept of the geometric shapes that would suit my fat head.

I would complain about the flight, but they did show Star Trek, so I’m extremely happy enough.